Mark Time

Locals: Project Open Door needs your help!

My longer-term readers know that I'm chairing a task force at the Presbyterian Church of Lawrenceville.  It's called Project Open Door (POD), and is a team that is studying how we can be most effective in our ministry of hospitality – that is, how we welcome and embrace the new people who come into our doors and how we can reach even more people in our community who need our ministry.

We need your help! We have created a new survey designed to assess what people experience when they come into our doors as newcomers.  We’re asking you to help us by 1) visiting the church as, well, “secret shoppers”; and 2) filling out the survey.   You can use either an on-line or paper version.

If you are willing to help us out and are in the Greater Lawrenceville, NJ area (Trenton, Princeton, Central Jersey), here’s what we would ask you to do:

1) Visit the church for a 10am Sunday service!  (Sometime in the next month or two) If you want information prior to your visit, about the church or the logistics of visiting, go to www.pclawrenceville.org.

2) About a week after your visit, please fill out a survey. You may do so by any of the following means:

a. You can fill out the survey online at http://tinyurl.com/yokhuf . We understand that this is often the quickest and most convenient way to fill out the survey.

b. One will be in the visitor packet you can pick up after church at our visitor’s table.

c. You can print out a copy by going to our website (http://pclawrenceville.org/assets/survey_visitor.pdf)

3) Mail the completed paper survey (if you didn’t use the online version) to:

Project Open Door
Presbyterian Church of Lawrenceville
2688 Main St.
Lawrenceville, NJ 08648

 Thank you for helping us understand how we can be more faithful in our ministry of hospitality.

- The Project Open Door team

Theology on Tap

The Princeton, NJ Nassau and Witherspoon Street Presbyterian churches, the Presbyterian Church of Lawrenceville, and the Princeton Seminary have jointly started a young adult program called "Theology on Tap".  Every 2nd Thursday this fall (and if last night is any indication, it will continue beyond fall) at 8pm young adults gather at the Yankee Doodle Tap Room of the Nassau Inn in Princeton for community and some light theological discussion.

Last night was the first event.  I estimate that 20-25 people showed up by the time I left at 9:30 (gotta be at work today).  There was a mix of church members, church leaders (clergy and staff), and seminarians plus perhaps one or two "bring a friend" folks.  I heard some folks saying that they'd invite friends to the next one, and I know that the postcards (with the image above) were taken to be given out.  We may have more people next time.  Ages ranged from the low 20's through me at near 40, to a few who I suspect were older than 40.

Each of us was given an 18oz glass (call it a pint) with the PCUSA logo on one side and "Theology on Tap" on the other.  We used them for drinking and were able to take them home.  (I'm not clear on whether or not to bring them back for the next meeting.)  Only one was broken - my fault - I stood up to let somebody by and the chair hit the table behind me and it tipped and CRASH!  Oops.

The meeting organizers bought food for the group, and the rest of us paid for our drinks.  I suspect that the glasses were the biggest expense and otherwise this program is pretty inexpensive to run.

After a short introduction of everybody to everybody, we broke into small group and were asked to discuss any burning theological questions.  The questions weren't easy.  At my table (from memory, I think I'm missing a few):

• What does Jesus' death on the cross mean to me?
• Is God still involved in the world today?  Does prayer work?
• A brief discussion on the Trinity and the paradox of three-in-one
• A statement on morality and society
• Where do people of other faiths fit into God's plan and/or salvation?

As I said - that's what I remember.  I think we covered 6 or 7 just throwing ideas around.  The crowd was highly educated on the relevant issues - the few who weren't ministry professionals or seminary students were highly involved laypeople like me.  After the theology the group continued with basic socializing.

For those on Facebook, there is a group for Theology on Tap in Princeton at Theolodoodle.

Now for my personal impressions.

I'm a fairly strong introvert, though I can present a brave face to new people and the less sensitive might not pick me out as an introvert.  Because of that, parties (and hanging out at a bar counts) tend to sap my energy.  I generally don't enjoy them.  I tend to arrive early and leave early.

Last night was nothing like that.  I felt comfortable with the folks that I met and felt that "instantly comfortable" feeling with the new folks that I met.  I left at 9:30 not because I wanted to, but because I had to get sleep before going to work today.  That's rare for me - I usually leave because I want to but last night I left because I had to.

The other rare thing is that I liked everybody that I met.  That is nearly unique in my experience and it is unique to church-related events (Youth Advisory Delegate events, church camp, and this).  I enjoyed meeting Barbara, Kate's friends Sarah and Sarah (apologies if the spelling is wrong) and Grier at our small table.  I enjoyed meeting the others in other groups and next time I'll make sure to mingle more with people that I don't know.  I was also pleasantly surprised at how well I fit in at almost-40 with the folks from age 23 to slightly-older-than-me.

The theological discussion was also deep and meaningful for its brevity.  These folks have actually thought about the questions and have something very real to say.  It was all said without judgment of those who hold an alternative view.

I'm 90% sure that I'll be there for the 3 scheduled meetings to come.  I might miss next month because of my schedule.  I'm also going to see if Carolyn wants to come.

If you're in the Princeton area and interested in meeting some great people and talking theology, stop by on the 2nd Thursday starting at 8pm!

Re-Connecting with Faith - Finding Your Home - Adult Retreat January 25-27, 2008

Re-Connecting with Faith: Finding Your Home – Adult Retreat
Johnsonburg Presbyterian Center, Johnsonburg, NJ
January 25-27, 2008

Are you considering a church home?  Do you currently attend a church, but feel like you’re not getting everything you need?  Are you looking at spiritual alternatives?  Have you recently moved and need to find a new church?  If you answered yes to any of these questions, this retreat is for you!

For a variety of reasons, a large number of adults leave the spiritual home of their youth, or spirituality altogether.  However, after a while, many of these people feel like something is missing in their lives.  Returning to a spiritual community after an absence can be a bit challenging for many people.  Will you encounter the situations that caused you to leave?  Will you be accepted?  Will you be fulfilled?  All too often these challenges result in the person staying away from a spiritual community altogether, and everyone loses.

Or perhaps you’ve moved to a new area and are having trouble finding that church home like the one you left behind.  This can often be a long and difficult process.  After all, how do you go about “trying on” churches, or even denominations for that matter?

This weekend long retreat is held for adults who are currently without a spiritual home, or who are attending a church but don’t feel fed there.  We’ll take some time to tell our own stories; who we are and what it is we’re seeking.  We’ll also look at some of the challenges in finding a spiritual home and what some different churches have to offer.  Come and join those who have gone through this discernment process before and who can help you find your way.  Presbyterianism is optional - the program does not assume any particular denomination.

For more information, contact the camp office at 908-852-2349 or info@campjburg.org.  The camp website is found at http://www.campjburg.org/. The cost is yet to be determined but should be between $50 and $100 per person; if money is what's keeping you from the retreat contact the camp - we have limited assistance available.

An article about last year's retreat can be found HERE.  This year's program will be very similar.

Need Help - Invitational culture and evangelism

I need your help.

The Task Force on Welcome and Outreach that I mentioned previously will be meeting soon (later this month, probably).  We'd like to come up with 5-8 books on our topic for the team members to read this summer and report back to the group.  This is part 1 of the education phase.

Our charter calls for surveying visitors on their visit experience, surveying the community for their impressions of the church and spiritual needs, and then making recommendations to the session.  The recommendations are supposed to cover creating a culture of hospitality and invitational evangelism.

Do you have any book suggestions?  I have a handle on what it feels like to BE a visitor, but I'm really stuck on how to survey the community.  Books on invitational evangelism and books on a culture of hospitality would be very useful.

Thanks for your help!  Please leave suggestions in the comments.  If you can't get the comments to work, e-mail me at the address behind the link in the left-hand menu.

Being A New Member - A 6-month checkin

About 8 months ago, I wrote Church - A New Chapter, in which I announced that I was beginning the new member process for joining the Presbyterian Church of Lawrenceville (NJ).  I actually joined 2 months later.  That makes this about the 6-month anniversary.

Time for a report card.  I'll stick with my hopes and fears from 6-8 months ago.

The overall grade is B+.  The church has come to feel like home, and I often refer to it with the same feeling that I would use to refer to my family.  There are some things that could be better, and I haven't completely settled in yet.  The details are really long, so they continue below (those reading on the site itself will need to click the link below).

Fear - Church is a closed society - B
One of my biggest fears was something I'd seen in my past - that "church" was a closed society.  Either you were an insider or an outsider.  The people in power positions were all insiders.
I have to give Lawrenceville a B.  The positions of power in the church are not closed - the folks on the Session and the various committees clearly rotate through fairly large numbers of people.  The reason that it isn't an A is that everybody knows everybody else - except for the new folks.  It's a tough crowd to break into, but once one or two "well-known" members accept you you're OK with everybody else.

Hope - Somewhere to do good works and be involved - B+
Once upon a time, I was very involved in church stuff.  One of my hopes was that I would be able to find my niche and be able to do good works again.
Lawrenceville earned a B+ here.  I have been able to get involved up to my eyeballs, and the church is being careful about not burning out the new guy.  In 6 months I've gone from walking in as a new person to being the co-chair of a Task Force and being so busy that several of my activities all hit on the same day.  I've been involved in the Green Team, the Sr. High Youth Group, and now this new Task Force.
The church didn't quite make an A for reasons similar to the Closed Society grade.  In order to get involved, I had to take affirmative steps alone.  With the Green Team, I had to show  up for the first open meeting.  For the Sr. High group, I mentioned to another youth advisor that I needed to find something to do at the church and she brought me along to a Sr. High meeting.  The church needs to do a little more to invite new members into activities and groups.

Hope - It feels like the church I grew up in - A+
I had chosen this church because it initially felt like the church that I grew up in.  They used the Gloria Patri, the order of worship was about the same, and even the building felt similar.
Here I found it to be even better than I'd hoped.  Lawrenceville is very much like the church that I grew up in when it comes to things that I liked about the old church.  It's also different in ways that bothered me about my old church.  Folks are generally friendlier than the old church, and open to participation by new people.  The feeling of the service is less stilted but still very familiar.  About the only complaint is that Lawrenceville doesn't have a handbell choir for me to join, but that's small potatoes.

Hope - the church is tolerant of all viewpoints - B+
A church can lean politically and theologically into one of four groups:  left (progressive), right (conservative), we avoid conflict, we desire diversity.  Lawrenceville is in the last group - they value diversity.
Lawrenceville does lean to the progressive side, but not to the point of making it an identity element.  Lawrenceville prides itself on being open to people of all viewpoints, and the church while doing "church" doesn't concentrate on any issue that separates people.  It's very easy to work with someone knowing that they disagree with you on some or even all issues.
I gave the church only a B+ because I do see the progressive slant creeping into a few places where I'd rather that the people make up their own minds.  Those include the youth groups and some committees. Even so, these "incursions" are so minor that they may be safely ignored.

Fear - that it will be hard to incorporate church into my life - B-
One fear that I had was that I'd be able to get myself out of bed every Sunday, and get myself interested enough to get involved.
The opposite has proven to be true - I'm so drawn in that it is hampering other parts of my life.  My flying has dropped to minimal levels because weekend church activities cut heavily into my free time for flying.  My wife occasionally complains about not seeing me enough because she chooses not to participate in most of my church's activities (being involved in her own church's activities).
None of this is the church's fault - it's all my own time management.  I am perfectly able to say "no" or to choose not to attend an event. I suspect that I'll settle to a happy medium reasonably soon.

Hope - that the church is a "thinking" church - A-
I had hoped to find that the church is a "thinking" church.  That nothing is accepted at face value but rather that each idea is tested. That the church relates faith to issues of today rather than issues of 2000 years ago.
What I've found is that if anything the church is a little light on the Christian basics.  The church covers issues of today and comes up with what I generally feel are the right answers, but they don't link it back to the faith as well as I'd like.  That's not because they CAN'T or have chosen ideas that aren't faithful - it's more the case that everybody has enough grounding in the faith that the links are obvious.  We need to repeat those obvious links.  Some of this may be my failure to HEAR the links; they may be there and I'm just missing it.

Hope - that the church is strongly connected to Camp Johnsonburg - C+
I love Camp Johnsonburg.  One of the main criteria that I had for a church was a connection to the camp.
This church's connection to the camp is through retreats and through people.  One member of the church worked at the camp for most of this year before receiving her Peace Corps assignment.  The camp held Jr. High and Sr. High retreats at camp last fall.  There will be an All-Church retreat at camp in June (which Carolyn and I will attend).
There is a downside.  For some of my committee work, I got information related to the subject of the committee from camp.  It was summarily dismissed by the committee chair, who preferred to use information from her own sources.  I had a similar reaction when I brought up the Reconnecting with Faith retreat with some people (but others were enthusiastic).  It seems that the church views the camp as a retreat center and summer camp, and not as a partner in spiritual pursuits.

Hope - that committee work would be less painful than I remembered - C-
I don't know what I was thinking hoping for the committee process to be better here than anywhere else.
I have found it to be just as painful.   I've seen all of the personality quirks that I'd seen before - the person who has to feel in charge, the person who can't run a meeting, the folks who like to hear themselves speak.  They are here as they are elsewhere.
Corporate America realizes the inefficiencies that exist when people aren't trained in how to communicate, particularly in ad-hoc or permanent committee structures.  I'm not sure why churches haven't come to this realization as well.  It's not like training people would necessarily cost money - I haven't found a church yet that didn't have someone who understood these concepts well enough to teach them to others.  I guess we just aren't looking to teach life skills - we're only looking to teach spiritual disciplines.
The really ironic part of this is that I think I learned most of my communications skills as a Youth Advisory Delegate to the Synod 20 years ago.  I learned more in YAD training and in being a YAD than I've learned in occasional communication training since I entered the working world.

Fear - that the national schism in Christianity would affect my experience - C
When I joined this local church, I was worried that the major progressive/conservative schism that is affecting the PC(USA) would affect my experience.  My hope was that the local church would be insulated from that issue.
What I've found is that the schism is in many ways even worse than I'd feared.  We've reached the point where trust between the progressive and conservative sides is nearly non-existent.  Some folks won't even TALK to someone from the "other side".  The church WILL split in two soon, with lots of pain from the folks who are in the middle, don't care about national politics, and will be collateral victims.
In Lawrenceville, we don't see these things.  What we DO see is a lack of a denominational presence.  These fights have damaged the ability of the presbytery and particularly the national denomination to do good work and provide educational resources.  It's reached the point where we no longer belong to a denomination - we are merely part of the "Presbyterian tradition".  The denomination is a ghost of what I remember it being in the past from the point of view of the local church.  That's sad - so much energy that could be directed towards educating members and building discipleship has been used to fight - and now we need to do everything ourselves at the local level.
The national fighting has lessened the value of the denomination.  I had feared that it would be a direct experience - that the fighting above would spread to the lower levels.  It's more indirect, as if the local church has become an island with no help from the mainland.

Unexpected Delights
1.  Working with the youth.  I didn't really think that I'd be good at it (having no kids myself) but I'm really enjoying it.  I don't think I've made a solid connection with the kids yet, but the Youth Director is making happy noises about my contribution.
2.  Finding that I am able to write/summarize a solid paper on a theological issue.  I was totally surprised at how well the Environmental Stewardship paper came out, and how far reaching the consequences were.  The youth group used my paper as the basis of a Bible study, and then used the scriptural passages that I used as the backbone for the Earth Day, Youth Sunday service.
3.  Providing useful information to the greater church through my blog - I've been pleasantly surprised at the reaction to some of my blog writings from all of you.  Thanks!

Gentle Evangelism

I've said for a while that the best way to evangelize is to do it gently.  If an opportunity to evangelize comes up, you simply express your faith and beliefs in a way that is not coercive, not overwhelming, and open and honest.  Beyond that the most important thing is to be a good example ethically, in personal relations, and spiritually.

Robert Austell has said it very concisely in his post "Invitational Evangelism".

I can't improve on what he wrote.  Read it.

TO Committee!

(well, at least To Task Force)

I met with our pastor last night about the "other idea" that he had.

It seems that he's been reading a lot of the stuff on my blog (Hi, Jeff!) - particularly the stuff that I'm writing about new members and visitors.

He's looking to put together a task force to study how the church is perceived by visitors, seekers, and the surrounding community.

He's asked me to chair the task force.  There will be a small number of chosen members (as opposed to "whoever wants to show up") and the team will work for about 18 months.  I asked for a co-chair who has been around a while and knows the church and lots of members because I'm fairly new and haven't gotten to know all that many people.

Beyond that, the charter and membership are still up in the air.  We'll probably get the team together in May to organize, and then take the summer for each member to do some homework (probably some books to read) and get started in earnest in the fall.

I will likely have to limit my blogging on this Task Force to what we are willing to say publicly.  I will probably do some blogging about the committee process in general, particularly successes.

One thing that I can promise - I want your help.  I will be asking questions over time about how each of you handle different issues or answer different questions in your community.  I've found that I have a fairly diverse audience of church-related people (and others!) and I'd like to leverage that to help.  In return, I promise that by the end of our process I will blog some useful information gained by experience - just as I have with the Reconnecting with Faith retreats.

10 Ways to Keep Me from Discovering Your Church

Via a chain of Decently.org to Church Marketing Sucks I have found a great article at Church Redone:

10 Ways to Keep Me from Discovering Your Church

My congregation has issues with #1 (we don't podcast sermons yet), #5 (we don't have clear signage mainly due to the historical nature of the church and road), and #6 (we have serious parking problems - 300 years of growth in membership without growth in land will do that).  I'm actually pleased with how well the congregation did!

The point about use of the Internet is particularly true.  I did not consider any churches without at least a minimal web presence in my church search.  My preconceptions of the church prior to a visit were colored by the quality of the website.  Getting the web right is essential these days.

Fear and the Visitor/New Member

When we held the Reconnecting with Faith retreat this past January, one of the questions that we asked the group was "What is keeping you from getting involved/more involved in a faith community?"

The word "fear" came up multiple times.  I'll try to describe the different sides of that fear, in the hope that by understanding it, those responsible for working with visitors and new members can help reduce its effects.

One important caveat:  The visitor or new member has both a fragile faith and fragile sense of self within the church.  I am purposely avoiding any judgment of those visitors.  The time for judgment of the appropriateness of a person's attitude or beliefs is when they are being considered for membership or higher office, not when they first come in the door.

Fear of Acceptance/Rejection

Here's a situation that may or may not have happened to you personally.  I'm sure that you have enough relevant experience to understand the emotions.

Let's say that you are 13 years old.  You've just moved to a new town (possibly in a different part of the country).  It's your first day of school.  You've managed to survive the morning classes, and maybe you've made a friend or two.  Most of the people around you are strangers, and they may or may not see you as strange.  It's lunchtime.   You've gotten your lunch, and you're standing at the side of the cafeteria looking for someplace to sit and eat.  Do you find a table by yourself?  Do you hope that somebody will invite you to join them?  Do you dare to ask to join a table where others are already seated and talking?  Will you be called a freak?

That's what going to a new church feels like to a visitor who is looking for a church or considering the possibility of going to church.  A 30-something man or woman (or couple, maybe with kids) is reduced in an instant to a gawky 13-year-old in a new school.  Do you take a seat in the back pew to hide?  Will someone invite you to sit with them?  You may remember the service from the church you grew up in (or attended last week), but there are creeds in the bulletin that you don't have memorized - that you've never heard of.  Do you stand or sit during the 2nd hymn?  Oh my, it's Communion Sunday and there are no trays up front.  How do I take Communion?  Do they even want me to take Communion?

(This leaves out one of my personal fears - what happens when they hear how badly I sing?  Ha.)

Once the service ends, will someone talk to me?  Do I want them to?  Should I go to coffee hour?

In my search for a church to return to, I experienced all of these fears.  In some churches I was ignored (notably in the church that I ultimately joined - they had a bad day).  In some churches I was smothered with attention.  At least once I got a dirty look for daring to inhabit the chosen pew of a family.

In some churches I was treated well.  I was welcomed, people asked about me and why I came.  People talked to me during coffee hour.  I felt at home.

It's tough wondering if you will be accepted.

Fear of Commitment

The lack of a church experience in your life often leaves a hole.  For some its a big hole.  For others its a little hole.   Something (or someone - like your child) is pushing you to look into joining (or rejoining) a church.  Maybe it's God.  Maybe it's just you.  Maybe you don't know.

At the same time, you have a routine.  Your Sunday mornings have been free (and often free from the need to get up early).  Your checkbook has not felt the pinch of a weekly donation.  Your Sunday evening, Tuesday morning, Wednesday evening, etc are free from church committee meetings, bible studies, youth group, etc.

At some time, you will be called upon to make a commitment to God (and Christ if you choose a Christian church).  That commitment is one of money, time and talents.  You'll sacrifice some free time and some personal resources.  You may be prepared to do so.

Or maybe you aren't prepared yet.  You don't know what the church will ask of you (or how much).  Combine this with a fear of acceptance/rejection, and you have a worry about whether or not the amount of time/energy/money that you are willing to commit at this time is sufficient to be accepted.

"What will they expect of me?"  "What am I getting myself into?" - I've said both of those through the course of my return to the church. (I'm pretty sure I said at least one of those this past weekend.)

During the Reconnecting with Faith retreats, we heard complaints about expectations around personal resources.  We heard of one church where financial contributions (including supporting the church school) were essentially mandatory.  In one case, a woman who was young and had done youth work, and who also plays guitar, related her experience visiting a church.  The pastor talked to her after church, and as he learned of her particular abilities was obviously mentally putting her on committees.  "Oh, you can help with the youth group."  "You play guitar, we can sure use your help with the contemporary service."  This woman was scared off by the demands placed on the first day visitor.

What will they demand of me? - this is the question.

One extra note here - "We'd love to see you next week" sounds coercive to some.  "We'd love to see you again" is a better choice.

Fear of Special Circumstances

In our retreats, we had a few people who had different reasons to be worried about being judged.  We had someone who is gay.  We had at least one person going through a divorce.  We had several who had been away from the church for a long time (like me).

The church (in my opinion, to its detriment) is very good at making snap judgments of people based on their traits and/or personal situations.  Homosexuality, divorce, age, marital status, even time away from the church are all things that can cause church people to "look down their noses".  I've experienced it with my long-time absence from the church (though that came more from church people in my own family).

Remember what I wrote above about fear of acceptance or rejection.  Add these special factors and what do you get?  A 13-year-old who is nervous about a new situation, but who also feels (rightly or wrongly) that they are wearing a target on their shirt.  It's like there's a scarlet letter on your shirt - G for gay, D for divorced, I for inactive, O for old.

The good news here is that a church that is intentional in its welcome to visitors can get past these fears.  Sometimes it means broadcasting your acceptance (and in some cases, the boundary of what you will accept) - in the website, in the bulletin.  Sometimes it just means listening to each person's special circumstances and being clear on the church's position while loving the person.  "We'd love to have you come back again" sends a strong message to someone who has laid their cards on the table.  "We're glad that you visited, but our church has problems with {homosexuality, divorce}" is better than letting someone attend on a regular basis and run into that particular wall should they choose to pursue membership.

Fear of "What Happened Before"

In the retreats nearly 1/2 (or possibly more than 1/2) of the participants were able to point to one or more specific incidents that caused them to leave the church or consider leaving the church.  These incidents cover the entire spectrum of church activity.  Some mentioned a specific theological concept (or more than one) where they differed from the church (that they belong/belonged to).  Some mentioned "people behaving badly" in church - rude, insensitive, political behavior or even in one case physical abuse.  Others mentioned a focus on money and donations to the exclusion of theology.

Each of those people is experiencing or has experienced pain at the hands of the church.  Some of that might be considered self-inflicted.  Some is just "one of those things" (like a theological split from their church).

The key is to recognize that pain, and help the person get it out of their system.  This is what we do at the Reconnecting with Faith retreat (among other things).  It is not appropriate to fish for this in a visitor, but when it does come out the church and particularly those involved with visitors and new members should be prepared to handle it.

Conclusions

People walking in the door for the first time are usually nervous.  The church generates fear in them to some degree.  A church is most successful at attracting and retaining visitors when it can help visitors get past that fear.

Reconnecting with Faith - one at a time

I have a co-worker who wanted to attend the Reconnecting with Faith - Finding Your Home retreat in January.  Unfortunately, she couldn't afford an entire weekend away from home.

So I'm giving her the "Home Game" version of the retreat over several lunches.  In the interest of confidentiality I can't reveal much about her story and situation.

I will say that she is currently churched but looking for another congregation, possibly in a different denomination from her current church.

I'll let you know how it goes at the end.  If this works, we might be able to turn the retreat into a program that can be used by churches with individuals or small groups over time.  The key to making it work is a willingness to let go and drop the assumption that ONE particular congregation, denomination, or even faith tradition is right for everybody.  You may believe that there is one right faith, but simply being insistent about it to a sojourner is more likely to backfire than build a disciple.  Slow and gentle is the way to go.  If you really are right about your choice, they will come around and agree.

What is keeping potential new members from getting involved

In today's post, we look at this question:
What is holding you back from getting involved/more involved in a faith community?

The caveats about the makeup of the retreat group found here apply.

The retreat participants indicated at least some interest in getting involved in a new spiritual community by the fact that they registered for and attended the retreat.  This answers the questions of "why haven't you gotten involved" or "why haven't you gotten more involved".

• Inertia
• Fear (of acceptance and other things)
• Laziness
• Lame excuses
• Fear of commitment
• Indifference
• “My Will or God’s Will?” (lack of clarity - am I making this change for me or for God?)
• Family and tradition pressures (am I tied to a particular church or denomination because it would kill Mom/Dad/Grandma if I changed?)
• Church not meeting our expectations
• Fear of rejection
• Don’t need the community
• Mileage/proximity/distance
• Other commitments (time mainly)
• Being in a pigeonhole (being labeled due to traits like age, marital status, sexual orientation, race, etc)
• Scheduling (services, other activities, day vs. evening)
• Needing to feel invited
• Allowing space for other spiritual opportunities

This list is a bit short, mainly due to the fact that it was the last one covered in a brainstorm session and time was a bit short.

This concludes the series on what potential new members are thinking.

What potential New Members want to avoid in a spiritual community

Yesterday, we spoke of what potential new members were looking for in a new spiritual community.

Today, we get a smaller list of things that those same potential new members are looking to avoid when choosing a new church.

All caveats about the makeup of the group found here apply.

It's important to note that the group started out by saying "This list is the opposite of the Want list."  They felt that we could have taken everything on the Want list and try to avoid the opposite.  That's the main reason that this list is short.

Fear was mentioned more than once.  From my memory, it was the use of fear as a motivating factor by the church and/or preacher against the parishioners.  This covered beliefs, required service and/or monetary contributions, and internal politics.  Another aspect that was mentioned was fear of change within the church.  A few members of the group had gone through some serious internal church conflicts (the phrase "level 5" was used by at least one Presbyterian in the group who'd been through that conflict).

• Fear and zealots (fear is defined as "you must believe this or else" and using fear as a motivation for a particular belief)
• Exclusion (of anyone, but particularly of identifiable groups like race, gender, sexual orientation, age, etc)
• Old regime (a small group in charge, has always been in charge, and will not relinquish control)
• Pulpit politics (mainly non-church issues)
• Participation by guilt (church and committees)
• Irrelevance to my life
• $$$ focus (fundraising for the linked parochial school was mentioned here, but it covers more territory than that.  Being valued by how much money you give.)
• Hopelessness – joy for what IS (being caught up in talking about how bad it is that we are not X {bigger, getting along better} rather than celebrating what we ARE)
• Not open to new ideas or change
• Sense that community can only exist within those four walls
• Unwelcoming – lack of warmth (including not talking to and welcoming visitors)
• “Stuck in the Mud”, “Way we’ve always done it” and “We’ve Tried that before”
• Avoid ritualistic traditions with no purpose
• Emphasis on money
• Focus on growth of buildings (build congregation first)
• Being pigeonholed (being identified as a particular type of person based on traits or history)
• Ties/formality of dress
• Lack of flexibility with expectations

Again, this was simply a brainstorm to allow people to figure out what they are looking for and looking to avoid when choosing a new church or spiritual community.  No analysis was done as to the feasibility of any of these ideas or their faithfulness.

What potential New Members want in a spiritual community

The first question asked of the group was:
What Are You Looking For in a Spiritual Community?

The following are responses to the brainstorm.  Some may be repetitive and others are contradictory (different people want different things).  I will amplify a few that were better communicated in person. 

• Involvement (personal experiences)
• Welcoming fellowship – embracing
• Connection, belonging – “Cheers” – NORM! (the quote from the TV show - want to feel known and appreciated)
• Recharging/revitalizing
• Awe – mystery – presence
• Non-exclusion (this covered a lot of territory including race, age, gender, and sexuality)
• Family programs
• Variety in music
• Flexible service times (it's hard for some to make 10am/11am Sunday)
• Positive agenda (build up people)
• Personal relevance
• Location (close to home, mainly)
• Facility comfort/aesthetics/accommodations
• Continuity in tradition
• History
• Safe space – intentional (meaning that the community work intentionally to generate a safe space for members to be open and honest without fear of politics and reprisal)
• Framework to do good works
• Opportunity to share one anothers’ journeys on a deeper level
• Alternative timing/schedules
• Green – eco-conscious
• Youth programs/young adult (this and Sunday School were important even to people who had no children and didn't plan to have any)
• Over 30, No Children – fill that hole (this is the feeling that churches have programs for youth and young adults, programs for children and families, and programs for older adults but nothing for this group)
• Diversity/acceptance
• Inspiring Sunday message – NOT political (political meaning non-church issues)
• No discount (this is a core value of the camp where the retreat was held.  It means no discounting others or yourself)
• Direct service in the community
• Intergenerational relationships (the person mentioned a church that paired up older adults as "foster grandparents" for new members)
• Welcoming community
• Accepting people as they are (we talked a bit about dress and "come as you are" as well as accepting people around other traits)
• Empowering people to serve rather than trying to fill offices
• Pastoral care
• Diversity in services
• Ceremony & ritual

Remember that this is what this group of people WANT in a church.  There was no discussion around whether or not these ideas were practical or fit within the belief structure of the church in question.  The primary purpose of asking the question was to get the participants thinking about what they should evaluate when looking at potential church homes.

Inside the heads of potential members

In the next few days, I will present some information from the Reconnecting with Faith - Finding Your Home retreat.  I do so in the hopes that it will be useful to churches and new member programs in particular.

The information results from brainstorming done by the participants of the most recent retreat.  There are three sets of information:

1. What are potential members looking for?
2. What are potential members looking to avoid?
3. What is stopping you [the retreaters] from getting involved or more involved in a faith community?

Please keep in mind that this was a small group (about 10) in New Jersey.  The needs in your area may be different.  Also, this group was concentrated in the 20-40 age group, though we had representation of older folks.  This group was predominantly white and middle class as well.  A few of the participants were coming from a non-Presbyterian Christian denomination.

New Members in Mission

Quotidian Grace writes about her recent experience attending a new member's class at another church.  (I'm not entirely clear on whether she is changing churches or just sitting in - she's the moderator-elect of her presbytery.)

The really interesting part of her experience is the Saturday "workday" that they did.  The new members were taken to one of the church's outreach agencies to work for a 1/2 day.  They did the usual mission work - packing sack lunches, working in the Thrift Shop.  At the end of the day they heard about other mission opportunities (and learned even more in the regular Sunday session the next day).

The group even made sure that they were thanked and given pictures (electronically) of them working.

This is a great idea.  At Camp Johnsonburg, the campers do a small project to help out the camp every week (it could be as simple as looking for trash on the meadow).  The camp Leadership Training Program (formerly Counselor-in-Training) senior high's do a big project for the camp - usually building or creating something (the camp's labyrinth is a good example).

We got an overview of mission opportunities at the Lawrenceville church new member class.  We even got to see most of the internal ones just before the classes started at the annual stewardship fair (and the new class just got to see the external ones yesterday at the annual mission fair).  But we didn't actually roll up our sleeves and do something.  The new member class was a nice way to get slightly acquainted with some of the other new members, but I would have really liked the chance to get to know people in the way that only happens when you work on something together.

Kudos to the Memorial Drive Presbyterian Church in Houston!

Reconnecting with Faith - Finding Your Home retreat 2007 - How'd it go?

The Reconnecting with Faith - Finding Your Home retreat was a big success this past weekend at Camp Johnsonburg!

We had 10 paying participants, plus 4 staff (and a few other camp folks floating in and out during the weekend).  The participants were a very diverse group in several dimensions.  We had people from age 20-something to age "I don't want to guess and be wrong".  We had people in churches, people not in churches, and people looking at alternatives to Christianity.  We had some racial diversity.  We had theological diversity in that we had folks all along the spectrum from conservative to progressive.  Most of us came from a Presbyterian (PCUSA) background, and there were a few Catholics in the group.  We had 3 couples, a few singles, and a few married folks whose spouses didn't attend.

The weather was a bit cold (particularly Friday, though it wasn't the 4-degree F cold that the camp folks had to put up with before we arrived Friday morning).  There was just the right amount of snow on the ground; we got a little each night - just enough to cover the ground but not enough to slow us down.  The lake was frozen over except for an oval about 1/3 of the size of the lake.  The geese and swans were camped out on the frozen part.

We began the weekend by doing some get-to-know-you games Friday evening, followed by some fellowship and food time.  We also outlined the Johnsonburg standard core values of "No Discount" (of yourself or others), "Challenge by Choice" and Permission-Giving.  Because some of the participants knew each other outside of the retreat and the knowledge that someone might want to leave their church could be dangerous in the wrong hands, we added a new rule - "What happens at Johnsonburg stays at Johnsonburg".

Saturday morning, we had a very emotional and uplifting session where each group member was able to tell the story of their faith journey.  These stories brought the group even closer together and allowed each to unburden themselves of the reasons that they might be looking to join a church or switch churches or leave the church.  A participant said it best:  "Mark and I can't really do justice to the beauty of the stories that were told at the retreat this weekend."

Saturday afternoon we did some brainstorming: what people wanted in a faith community, what people were looking to avoid in a faith community, and what stumbling blocks were keeping them from making progress in discerning whether or not to join a faith community and if so, which.  This session provided some good ideas for each person when they are considering a new faith community.

Saturday afternoon we had some free time.  Some of us took a 4-mile hike along the Yellow and Red Trails, while others connected with each other, relaxed, or even napped.  The camp canteen was open for a while so that folks could purchase a souvenir of their retreat experience.

Saturday evening, we completed the afternoon activity by brainstorming ideas on how to look for a new church.  Use of the Internet, friends, neighbors, coworkers, church visits, church staff and other resources were highlighted.  Those who had taken this route before were able to add their own experience to the bounty of ideas.

We then experienced a fascinating lecture - Spirituality 101.  In 90 minutes, our retreat's minister leader went through the breadth of spiritual options in the world, along with the options within Christianity and the historical reasons for the number of denominations that we have.  It was amazing - I've had full semester religion classes that contained less information than this presentation.

Later Saturday evening we had food and fellowship again, with S'mores and Banana Boats cooked on the fireplace in the dining hall.

Sunday morning after breakfast (including a wonderful body prayer for grace) we began with Quiet Time.  A number of the group ventured out into the cold to walk the camp's outdoor labyrinth in the quiet stillness of the sunny winter morning.

We followed that with a worship service planned by the retreat participants WITHOUT the aid of the religious professionals.  The service was very camp-like and yet still had all of the reverence of a church service.

After worship we concluded with evaluations, lunch, and an invitation to enjoy the camp facilities for the rest of the day.

For this retreat, the people ARE the program.  I'd like to thank the folks pictured above for their wonderful contributions.  I'd also like to thank all of them for the mutual respect that we all felt - in this era of Christians tearing each other apart we were able to assemble a group from all parts of the spectrum who worked together to help each other while respecting the conscience of each of us.

I'd also like to thank the Johnsonburg staff who helped plan/staff/support the retreat - including Lorelei, Kurt, Alicia, Harry, Josh, Shelly, and everybody else.  Additionally, I'd like to thank Dave Myers, who served as our minister-in-residence and all-around expert on things religious.

Based on feedback received, there's a pretty good chance that we'll try to do this retreat again.  Watch this space or the camp website sometime this fall for more information.  As I've stated before, any suggestions on how to advertise this retreat to the target audience (particularly those NOT in a church at the moment) would be appreciated.

If you have any questions about this retreat, please feel free to contact Lorelei at the camp or me.

Off for the Weekend

Carolyn and I will be headed up to Camp Johnsonburg for the weekend for the 2nd Reconnecting with Faith - Finding Your Home retreat (which I've written about here and here).

We've got a good group - about an even split between last year's group coming back for followup and new folks (including a few new to the camp).  Carolyn and I are going up early Friday afternoon to meet with the camp folks and finish the planning, and then the rest of the crowd arrives in the evening.  It'll be COLD (a high of 17F is predicted Friday at camp), but the group will be warm.

See you next week!

Reconnecting with Faith retreat update

We've finally determined the cost for the Reconnecting with Faith - Finding Your Home retreat January 26-28, 2007.

The cost will be $45 per person.  However, we are determined that money will not keep anyone away from the retreat.  If money is an issue contact the camp - we have financial assistance available for those who need it.

Reception of New Members

Today the Lawrenceville Presbyterian Church received me (and 15 others) as new members of the church.

All of us were asked to sit up front in the church along with our families.  Carolyn joined me this weekend (taking a break from the Catholic thing) and sat with me in the first pew.  I think I like it better towards the back.  The building looked full - just enough room for everybody to be comfortable rather than crammed in.

The bulletin included a legal size page with our pictures and self-written bios on both sides.

Just after the Children's Message, we were called up by name to be recognized as new members.  One of us, Kate - a student at Princeton Seminary - needed to be baptized.  We were all asked the traditional baptism questions as our formal profession of faith, and then Kate was baptized in what has to be the wettest baptism I've ever seen in a Presbyterian church (water was actually running down her back).  Then the congregation read the Words of Welcome from the Book of Common Worship, and sang a hymn "Blest Be the Tie That Binds" and the congregation was then invited to pass the peace (moved from the beginning of the service).  The Peace was as chaotic as usual with the crowd of us tripping over each other.  Then we all sat down and the service continued.

One pleasant surprise was the hymn just before we were received.  It was "I Danced in the Morning" (#302 in the blue Presbyterian hymnal, if you're playing along at home).  The Rev. Tim Ives was the Associate Pastor at the church that I grew up in.  He has to be in the top 5 people responsible for my spiritual growth, and I doubt that I would have been a deacon, YAD, member of Synod committees, or Youth Triennium participant if it weren't for him.  This hymn was the centerpiece of his service of installation in that church.  "I am the Lord of the Dance, said He"  Freaky coincidence?  Carolyn and I don't think so.

At the end of the service, the group of new members left at the beginning of the last hymn to form a receiving line in Fellowship Hall.  I managed to get Carolyn to stand next to me - after all she is part of the family now, too.  We then met a huge crowd of people, most of whom who told me their name and few that I remember, and then we had the cake that was specially made for us.  We chatted with all sorts of folks and then headed home.

This is the end of the journey that began in August 2005 when another volunteer at Camp Johnsonburg asked me "What church do you belong to?" and I had no answer.  It went on to include the Reconnecting with Faith - Finding Your Home retreat at camp and my church search.

While this is the end of the journey back home, it is certainly NOT the end of my spiritual journey.  I hope to bring you news as time goes on.  I look forward to this church finding a way to pull me into greater involvement - I'm eager to get started but I need help to find that first thing to volunteer for.  And I also look forward to telling the story of this successful journey at the new Reconnecting with Faith retreat next January.

   

I am a Presbyterian, again

Last night, the session of the Presbyterian Church of Lawrenceville, NJ voted to receive me as a member by Reaffirmation of Faith.  This ends my nearly 20 year departure from the church (and at least a few years off the rolls anywhere).

I wasn't alone - there were 15 others joining at this time.  Three by Profession of Faith, Six by Reaffirmation of Faith and 7 by Letter of Transfer.  As I've said before, this was a very diverse group on everything but age.  The new members live as far away from Lawrenceville as Lahaska, PA and Bensalem, PA.  There are two first-year students at Princeton Seminary.  The ages run from early 20's to "I don't want to even guess" retired.  When you add the non-member spouses (like mine) and young children, the group ends up being more like 25 people.

In fact, we outnumbered the elder members of the session.  Because the group was so large, the session had to start their meeting in the chapel and move to their usual spot after the new member portion was complete.

We got started about 7pm with new members and session members filtering into the room.  The chairs were arranged in a big circle that just barely fit in the room, and the new members and session members were interspersed throughout the circle.

The main portion of the meeting was taken up by the introductions.  Each new member was asked to give some information on themselves, their families, their faith journey and why they chose Lawrenceville.  Each session member did the same, substituting what membership means for them for their faith journey.  Due to the size of the group, this took over 45 minutes.

After that, the session voted to receive us into membership and to authorize the baptism of one of us.  We then said a common prayer and passed the peace.  The session then left the room to continue their meeting (being 1/2 hour behind schedule due to our group's size) and the rest of us headed home.

On Sunday, we will be recognized during the service and one of us will be baptized.  We've been instructed to sit up front in the reserved pews (along with family) and that we will be called to stand in front of the congregation at some point.  During the final hymn we will be escorted out to form a receiving line in Fellowship Hall.

The one funny point of the evening came when one of the new members talked about the music program and choir being part of his reason for choosing Lawrenceville.  An elder who is in choir (and who was still jet-lagged from the mission trip to Israel) leaned over and told him when the choir meets.  He then informed her that he's been in the choir for six months!  Apparently short women in the soprano section up front can't see the big guys in the baritone section in back.

Why Lawrenceville?

Tonight, I go before the session of the Lawrenceville Presbyterian Church (NJ) to be received by Reaffirmation of Faith as a new member.  There are about 15-20 of us (I think) being received by various methods.  To that number you can add 6-10 kids.

A while back, I wrote about my return to the church after an absence of almost 20 years.  What I didn't really put into that post was why I chose this particular church.  Apparently, I'm going to be asked that question tonight, so here's my summary of why (in no particular order).

1. It feels like the church that I grew up in.

That could have been a bad thing (since I had some issues with my original church that were minor contributors to my departure), but I checked on the issues that I had with the church that I grew up in and reportedly they are not a problem here.  The way in which Lawrenceville feels like the church that I grew up in are:  size (number of members and attendees, size of sanctuary/buildings), service format and content (basically a traditional service with the old standard hymns and a format that I'm used to), music program (wow! can this congregation sing!) and an active youth group.

2. The church has a policy of tolerance for all viewpoints.

A church can either be somewhere along the "conservative" to "liberal" axis, choose to work for tolerance of all viewpoints (within reason), or choose to avoid controversial issues. Based on what I was told (and have seen since), this church shows an unusual tolerance for a wide range of opinion.  One story that I was told was about a table at a men's meeting where a discussion of a controversial issue erupted. Two people staked out the opposite positions, but everybody contributed with opinions all the way across the spectrum on that issue. None of it was heated.  That's what I want - nice respectful academic discussion.  Having said that, the church averages out to someplace center to progressive in theology.  This is truly a "big tent" within the Presbyterian mold.

3. This church is a thinking church.

There is a big emphasis on adult education and study. Not just "let's all study the Bible together" but discussions on applying faith to issues.

4. The church has lots of volunteer opportunities.

There are a lot of things going on. The church wants to have as many people involved as possible - but at the same time doesn't want to push anybody beyond what they want to do.

5. Church leadership is open and involves lots of people

Unlike other churches that I know (or grew up in), this church rotates a lot of people through it's leadership roles. At the ordination/installation service that I attended they asked anybody who had ever been an elder or minister to get up and lay hands on the new officers. 1/3 of the congregation got up - a HUGE ratio.

That list was written back in August when I chose this church.  Since then, I have also come to realize that there is a warmth to this congregation that might not be apparent to a casual visitor (or a summer visitor, for that matter).  Put simply - people care at this church.   About each other, about people in the local community, about justice, about evangelism.  There is a level of warm commitment - not just words or slogans but actual one-to-one action.

Feels good to me.

Tomorrow, you should be reading a post about tonight's meeting.

Getting Involved at church

This week I have a homework assignment from New Member Class.  I have to check off a list of activities that the church does that interest me.  I also need to answer two questions:  What do I expect to get out of Lawrenceville Presbyterian, and what do I expect to give to Lawrenceville Presbyterian?

I'm a rather strong introvert.  It's not always easy to detect - I tend to speak of myself as a "loud introvert", someone who can keep up a facade that makes me appear more outgoing.  As you may or may not know, introverts draw their energy from a different type of activity than extroverts (aside from eating and sleeping, of course).  Extroverts go into social situations and actually draw energy from the room.  Introverts on the other hand need solitude or a small group of close friends to create energy.  Introverts can actually feel the energy draining from them in a large social setting like a party.  Extroverts may go home charged up - introverts tend to go home exhausted.  This is a big generalization, but still true.

So how does this relate to new church members (and me in particular)?  I speak from my own experience.

I have to work hard to feel comfortable in a setting like the usual Fellowship Hour after church.  I'm fairly comfortable in church - I'm there as part of a mostly anonymous crowd and only interact personally with those sitting around me, and even then only for the passing of the peace.  But put me in a room and I'm lost.  I end up a single individual wandering around the room without talking to someone, or even standing on the side.  I will talk to those that I know, but I'm fairly unlikely to walk up to someone and introduce myself.

On the other hand, in a known group and particularly a small group, I'm fairly comfortable.  On a committee, in a small study group, as part of a team - I'm comfortable.  I know my place.  It's even more comfortable when I'm part of a group working towards a goal - putting together a special service, running a youth activity, serving on a committee, or even just bean-counting.  In fact, that's the best way for me to meet people - to work with them towards a common goal.

Once I feel comfortable in one small group, I feel that I have allies and I'm more comfortable branching out into something new.  I know that I had allies before or at least that people were giving me the benefit of the doubt, but this subtle shift from "that person over there" to "Bill, the guy I worked with on X" is huge for me.

So the hard part is getting that bootstrap job in an organization.  I feel like I need to be invited to participate in that first activity, and if it's not joining an organized group but is more like an open activity I need to be dragged along.  Once I've done something with people, I will know them and be more open to fully voluntary participation in the next thing.  It's just getting into that first thing that's so hard.

The one exception to this rule is Camp Johnsonburg.  This camp is the one place on the planet (no hyperbole here) where I have felt totally accepted for being authentically ME outside of my marriage.  Camp Johnsonburg works hard to create that acceptance and even celebration of each of us - it's probably the 2nd or 3rd core value of the