Mark Time

A bit of a round-up

Hello, readers.  I have been neglecting you lately.

Here's a bit of a round-up on things going on with me at the moment.

Job Search - I think I'm going to stop counting days on the blog.  I've been making good contacts in the last few weeks, and today I have my first meeting with a "hiring manager" (someone who is in the right position to potentially hire me).  It's not an interview - just a meeting.  The search is going slower than I'd like, but apparently reasonably on track according to my outplacement coach.  The economy and general financial crisis aren't helping.

Church - This part of my "non-work" life is busy.  My deacon work is adding a little time to my Sunday mornings, plus I'm serving as the "e-mail reminder" person who sends a note to the deacons scheduled for a particular Sunday.  My youth work is keeping me busy as well - the time commitment is a bit higher than last year because of some schedule changes for the Sr. Highs, but it's completely worth it to me.  I was asked to be the webmaster for the church website, and I'm investigating how much time that actually takes - it might be too much.  Project Open Door is moving along nicely to the end of our chartered work - we brainstormed issues surrounding hospitality, visitors, relations with the community, and inactive members last week.  In our next meeting we'll brainstorm solutions, and then start writing up the report to the Session to be delivered in January.  I'm looking at starting spiritual direction.  Aside from a minor dust-up this week, all is well in this department.  I will admit to my faith taking a beating due to my job situation, though.

Home - All is well.  Carolyn is a conservative spender by nature, and I am one when the situation calls for it.  We've pulled way back on our discretionary spending and even made some more economical choices with our necessary spending.  This is setting us up well for a long siege if necessary.  The lack of a job hasn't hurt my relationship with Carolyn that I can see.  The cats love having me home more often.  The homefront is safe and stable right now, and financially prepared for a while.  Carolyn is still taking next week off from work (a Smith family vacation including my parents and siblings was planned for Orlando - we have to miss it for financial reasons), and I'm taking our anniversary on Wednesday off from job searching.

Ham Radio - I'm still participating a little.  I haven't been able to purchase equipment beyond an HT (walkie-talkie-style radio) and accessories.  I saw the trouble in the economy coming even before I knew that I'd be laid off, and chose not to spend in this area.  I am staying involved with some emergency management and public safety events, and I'm still attending the club meetings.  I think I'm qualified now to get a key to the club's radio shack and will pursue that soon - they have LOTS of equipment for club member use there.  Unfortunately, ham radio activities tend to be scheduled at the same time as church events, and between the two church wins.

That's about it.  As always I welcome any comments, and assistance in my job search.

Starting as a Deacon

My journey as an active deacon is beginning again.

Last night I attended my first Board of Deacons meeting at church.  This was the reorganization meeting for this year.  I had also been to New Officer Training last Saturday.

I was assigned to the Prayer Team, my first choice.  Last year's deacon president preached a sermon in which she recounted her trepidation in being assigned to the Prayer Team, so I was surprised to see last night that the 3 slots were filled with people who had chosen it as their first choice, plus 2 others will join us as well.

I also volunteered to be the person who e-mails a reminder to the folks designated for coffee or greeting service each Sunday.  That should be easy, as long as I can keep the schedule straight.

I wasn't able to sign up for communion (our church uses elders and deacons to prepare, serve and clean up) - mainly because I am already assigned to coffee on communion Sunday in October and all of the preparation slots were taken by the time the sheet got to me.  Maybe I'll be able to do it in November.  The last time I was a deacon the Book of Order specified that deacons could only serve communion if there was a shortage of elders, so I had only 2 opportunities to serve (one at camp, one at Triennium).  This is a meaningful experience for me, so I look forward to doing it again - even if I have to sit up front at church!

The entire Board meshed well, so I look forward to a good year or three.

Fun with Presby language

I'm sure that I've written before about how my wife is Catholic, and I am Presbyterian.

I'm sure that I've written one or two things about how Carolyn sometimes get words wrong.  For example - there's a British Comedy about people in a nursing home called "Waiting for God".  She has been known to accidentally call it "Waiting for Death".

Today we see what happens when she intersects with particularly Presbyterian language.

A week from Sunday I'm being Installed as a Deacon at my church.  You might be wondering why I'm not being Ordained - the reason is simple.  I was already ordained as a deacon 23 years ago in another church.  You only get ordained once to each office.

Carolyn has never seen a Presbyterian ordination or installation.  Wait - I take that back.  She might have seen our Associate Pastor installed, but that's an entirely different ceremony than the ordination/installation of deacons and elders.  Somehow she hasn't been at church with me at one of the 4 or 5 times we've installed or ordained deacons and elders since I re-joined.

For the past couple of weeks we've been careful not to plan anything on that Sunday so that I can be there and she can be there.  Personally I think she'll be underwhelmed; she comes from a background where First Communion is a special service.

The terms have confused her.  She started out calling it an Ordination, only to have her Book-of-Order-junkie husband correct her and tell her that it's an Installation instead.  (Side note - my father once wrote in the Christmas Letter that he was being "installed like a muffler" for his 2nd term as deacon.)  Then when she was on the phone with her Catholic parents she called it an Investiture.  I wanted to know if I got a pointy hat.

I think she has it straight now.

She's also been helpful with keeping track of events.  We have New Officer Training this Saturday morning (as long as Hurricane Hanna doesn't interfere).  We also have the Deacon meeting regularly the 2nd Monday of each month.

The other day I looked at the calendar.  On Saturday was written "New Decon Training" and on Monday "Decon Meeting".  I asked if this was her event - after all she's an engineer in the petroleum industry.  But no, and I explained that we didn't expect to have any issue with contamination.

I wrote in the A's.

I'm glad that she is so supportive of my church work.  I just hope she isn't too disappointed when the ceremony is only 5 minutes long with only a little pomp and circumstance.  As it should be - this is not about us, it's about service.

Post-Montreat Blues

Today I'm somewhat deep in the Post-Montreat Blues.  This is apparently a common affliction, caused by the collision between the mountaintop high (emotionally, not physically) from a Montreat conference and the mundane realities of "real life" back home.  In other words - while you came home feeling wonderful, ready to change the world, and quite possibly changed for life ... the rest of the world didn't change all that much while you were gone.  I've experienced the same with Camp Johnsonburg experiences - though the Montreat experience was at a much higher intensity.

I'm trying to figure out what's next.

This week we had movie night at the youth group, and most (but not all) of the crowd that showed up was from the Montreat trip.  We looked at the pictures from Montreat from a few people and then watched Saved! the movie.  We got a very insightful question from one youth who wasn't on the trip about increasing the presence of faith in daily life.  I really think that between the Broad St. Philly mission trip and this Montreat trip we have a LOT of momentum going into the fall for the youth group.  Big things could happen!

I've found some confidence and new connections when it comes to working with the youth - particularly in my preferred style of one-to-one.  Again - momentum.

For today, I miss the relaxed me from the trip.  Sunday night I forgot to take my blood pressure medication, and I didn't feel the effects. My co-workers all remarked on Monday how incredibly relaxed I seemed to be.  In many ways, that's the Real Me, and I wish I could have it all of the time.

I also really, really miss the daily contact with my friends from my church and with the new friends that I made on the trip.  Seeing them on Facebook (or not at all) just isn't the same.  I know that if we'd been together more than a week the usual interpersonal frictions would develop, but that was a really nice week.  Tuesday evening helped.

I'm also feeling a bit emotionally adrift.  The Montreat Youth Conference experience produced in me (and probably in many or most) a safe space where I could drop, tear down, explode, or simply eliminate the wall between my emotions and the outside world.  I was able to let the Real Me outside of my head to a degree not normally possible. Unfortunately that wall is somewhat necessary for daily life, particularly at work.  Rebuilding that wall takes some time, and is leaving me a smidge off balance.

Now I'm trying to figure out the implications for my life.

One thing that I see (and have seen in the past) is that my job (the combination of place/culture and function) is out of line with my faith and values.  Please note - this is NOT the same as saying "I need a new job".  There are several possibilities for how to fix this, including possibilities where I remain where I am and possiblities where I move on.

Some have heard the first whispers (or more) of a call to the ministry as a result of this week.  I don't believe that I'm one of them.  This is something that I've considered from time to time in my religious life (before and now) but I just don't hear the call.  My 10th grade computerized career assessment aside, I've never in my memory been told by someone that I'd make a good minister.  I think my call to the faith lies elsewhere.

For now, though, I'm considering the possibilities.  I'm remembering a few key rules:

1. Don't make any life-changing decisions within a week (or longer) after such a mountaintop experience.  Regain equilibrium first.
2. The rest of the world didn't change overnight.  Maybe you did, but there weren't big changes elsewhere.
3. Big, Meaningful Change requires Big, Meaningful Thought.  And time.

That's where I am.

If I met you on the trip, I miss you.  A lot.

Montreat Youth Conference, part 2

The Montreat trip was absolutely wonderful.  Amazing.  Transformational.  Fun.  There are so many reasons.

We started out by driving 9 hours to Greensboro.  Our youth director used to be the youth director at First Presbyterian Church of Greensboro, NC.  We stayed overnight in their youth room (VERY NICE, and with lots of comfy couches and other things to sleep on).  In the evening Saturday we were treated to dinner by our youth director's in-laws at their beautiful home (not to mention entertained by the dog).

In the morning, we were treated to a tour of this VERY large church (new members have a class on how not to get lost) and breakfast.  We then attended worship.  I found lots of useful information on how they work with visitors that will be useful for my committee.

Then we went to lunch at Fincastle's Diner and headed for Montreat.

In Montreat we stayed at First House, a private home owned by the Greensboro church that is rented out to groups staying in Montreat.  It was a nice house and suited our needs very well.

Sunday evening, the program began with a welcome session at Anderson Auditorium and Recreation outside.

The program continued with keynote in the morning, small group once or twice, and worship in the evening.  Friday night's worship was capped by people with candles all the way around Lake Susan two deep - it was so pretty.

Then we drove home 12 hours.  Ooof.

The youth from my church could not possibly have been a better group, or worked together better.  They were ready to go on time every time (sometimes earlier).  They voluntarily pitched in and helped with chores, often before being asked.  They supported each other emotionally and clued in the adults later - leaving the adults free to handle the big stuff (or their own stuff).  Everybody got along well aside from the minor frictions caused by 14 people spending a lot of time together.  I could not ask for a better group.  These 10 youth are now permanently on my list of favorite people.

I feel the same way about my small group.  There were 26 participants (3 adults and 23 youth) plus our small group leader.  I liked everybody in the group.  Think about that.  26 other people, and not one of them was even the slightest bit bothersome or annoying.  This is amazing.  The conversations were deep and meaningful, the games were hysterical and fun (I "won" Big Booty), and I was truly impressed by what other people said.  I hope that I have made one or two or a few friends for life from that group.  I know that I truly love and care for all 26.  Our small group leader was a newbie - having just turned 21 (we couldn't believe that - he is mature beyond his years) - and he hit the ball out of the park.

Some vignettes:

1. It was HOT most of the week.  The week redefined the concept of sweat for me.  However, I didn't really mind.  It was cool enough in the evening to sleep and the small group room was air conditioned.
2. The keynote team did a great job.  We'll probably use at least one part for our confirmation class.  The concepts that they discussed were well reflected in small group and worship.
3. The worship was especially meaningful for me (particularly Monday and Friday).  Michelle Thomas-Bush did a good job.
4. Music was fun, and included some songs that I really enjoyed.  One in particular was very meaningful for me.  Jorge Gonzales was the music leader, and was joined for a lot of the week by Wallness from Haiti (who knew our youth director from when Wallness was a youth in Haiti).
5. Recreation was well done.  I didn't get involved in most of the "optional" recreational activities though I did enjoy watching them.  The first night recreation was where I met one of those "friends for life" that I mentioned above.
6. The site is gorgeous.  Hilly to be sure (I seem to have lost 5 pounds, and moved some of my remaining weight away from my waist), but beautiful.
7. Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream and Raspberry Sorbet make a great combination.  The boundary layer is to die for.
8. When we went to Asheville NC on our free afternoon, I bought the first pair of sandals that I've ever owned in my adult life.  I am now fully qualified for youth ministry.  (There is no need to tell me not to wear socks with them - others have done that already.)
9. I went swimming.  Unfortunately, I was rock-hopping at the time.  I went into the water and completely soaked myself.  I also completely soaked my backpack.  The electronics all survived, but I need a new Bible and a replacement for the hardcover book that was in the backpack.  I also had some nasty scrapes.  My youth were perfect in that they refused to let me walk back to the house alone - they insisted on accompanying me and carrying my backpack.
10. My co-workers actually said I seemed relaxed when I got back to work yesterday.  No, really!
11. You can't imagine how fun it is to do energizers with a bunch of youth every day.  Adult silliness should be mandatory.
12. One of the adults in my church group has the uncanny ability to sing harmony with any piece, even if she hasn't heard it before.  It was beautiful.
13. I had lots of deep one-on-one conversations with my youth.  This started the first night and I think it's continuing now.  They impress me with how seriously they take their lives and how thoughtful they are of others.  There is unexpected depth here.
14. Every group needs at least one unabashedly sunny morning person.
15. See this post for the most strange and wonderful part of the week for me.
16. The Jesus in Me loves the Jesus in You.  'Nuff said.

I've already written in another post about my personal transformation.  I'd like to add to that some confidence in doing youth ministry.  I'm now wondering how to make my job better aligned with my faith and personal ideas about life.  Or find one that is.  I don't feel a call to ministry (though several others talked about this after this week).  I just feel like I'm not where I should be.

If you are a youth, or you work with youth, you should really consider going to a Montreat Youth Conference.  Groups can be as small as 2 or 3, or very large (I've heard of the neighborhood of 50).  Yes, it's a little scary going to a new place and doing "Jesus stuff" for a week, but it's really worth it.  My nervousness was wholly unnecessary.

I'd like to thank Rich, Mary Alice, Sara, Gingles, Michelle, Jorge, Wallness, Bill, Aimee, David, and so many others who made my week probably one of the top 10 experiences in my life.

Montreat Youth Conference, part 1

Last week I went to the Montreat Youth Conference as an adult advisor for my church's youth group.  During the trip, I had an experience that was ... well ... let me just describe it.

First, a little background.  I've written before about my experiences with the church and my departure from the church almost 20 years ago.  If you don't want to read that, here's a summary:  very involved as a youth (deacon, Synod YAD, church camp), in college a few things happened and I left the church completely.  I began searching for a congregation related to my return to church just about 3 years ago this month, and joined my current congregation later that fall.  I'm currently serving as a youth advisor for the Sr. High youth group, co-chairing a committee, and I'm about to start serving as a deacon again.

During Monday night's worship at Montreat, the song "Here I Am, Lord" was sung.  This song was very popular at Camp Johnsonburg when I was working there, and I was happy to sing it again.

Around about the 2nd verse, I started getting very emotional and tearing up.  Around about the 3rd verse, I started to get a picture in my head - one that I can't claim came from me.

The picture showed something of a timeline.  Over on the left side, there was a dark black line that represented my religious involvement of the past - from about age 13 to age 19.  On the right side, there was another shorter dark black line that represented my religious involvement of the past few years.  There was a big blank space in between.  As we sang, I saw the picture of a jumper wire (almost like a car's jumper cable, but more like something used in electronics work) connecting the two lines.  I have been considering my religious life of the past to be different from the present.  I believe that the message here is that they are part of a single whole and remain connected.

So I was standing there, singing, tears in my eyes, and a picture in my head that I didn't put there.

In my mind, this was a full-on Religious Experience.  Maybe even a Vision.  I mean ... if there had been a shaft of sunlight and Baptist dancers flying through the air I'd be a Blues Brother now.  It was a really weird experience.

I've been skeptical of those who claim to have visions or have other divinely-inspired events in their lives.  Not anymore.  I think I get it now.  A later discussion with a family member produced that person's story of a similar experience.

At the time that this happened, I had no idea what it meant.  I'm still not sure that I do.

The first thing that I did was ask my youth director to join me at The Huck for some ice cream so that I could talk about this (and another youth joined us for "Introvert Time").  On the way we met Jorge Gonzales who was doing music for the week and I got a chance to thank him.

Later in the week I might have gotten some idea of the meaning behind this.

All youth and adults participating in small groups were assigned to a Small Group of about 30 people.  Those groups were broken down into smaller "Threshold" groups of about 6.  I got an opportunity to talk about this experience with my Threshold Group, but due to time constraints I barely got through the story before we had to move onto something else.

The theme for the week was "Throw Open the Doors".  There were door metaphors tossed around during all activities.  On Friday (the last day of the conference), our Small Group leader asked "what doors have opened for you this week?"  I had a few ideas in my head, and the one that I chose was:  Don't let the experiences of the past (meaning negative ones) color your view of your experiences of the present.  When I said that the Small Group said things like, "Dude.  That's not just a door - that's like a big gate or something."

Later that evening we had the closing worship.  The preacher was Michelle Thomas-Bush (who I met through this blog).  She told a story about her 20th high school reunion.  At the reunion she met a man who had been in school with her.  He explained that he couldn't remember anything about his high school experience at all.  He was being abused by his parents at the time, and all of his memories of that period are one big black mess.  He came to the reunion in order to rediscover his high school memories.  He was the life of the party, talked to everybody, and learned a few things.  At the end of the evening he talked to Michelle again.  She asked him if he'd learned anything.  He reported a few memories of good times and stupid high school tricks, but his main message was that this night was his New High School Memory.

Sound familiar?  Yeah, I thought so too.

I'm still working on how to apply these revelations to my life, though the implications for my church life are pretty obvious.  Back in December, I wrote this about how those once hurt by the church may keep looking over their shoulder for trouble to come again.  I think that part of the message is clear - stop looking over your shoulder.  We'll see.  Being a Christian is hard.

As for the rest, that is not quite apparent yet.  More in the next post on the conference.

OH. Hmmm.

This weekend, I'm off with 3 other adults, 2 college students, and something like 8 or so high school youth to the Montreat Youth Conference (week VI) at the Montreat Conference Center in (you guessed it) Montreat, NC.

I've been a little nervous about this trip.  So much so that I think I'm annoying our youth director with questions, which he is patiently answering.  I don't have any good reason to be nervous.  I trust the youth director and the other adults going on the trip.  The college students and youth going on the trip are great and I expect fewer than average problems with them or their behavior (as compared to what I read on Youth Ministry websites).  I've heard nothing but good things about the place and the conference from a large number of people.

I've been telling myself that the reason that I'm nervous is that the last time I went to a church youth conference was the Youth Triennium in 1986 - when I WAS a youth.  That I was just worried about whether the 40-year-old air-conditioning-loving, out-of-shape, used-to-sleeping-in-his-own-room me could keep up.

While shaving this morning it hit me.

Triennium wasn't the last time I went to a church youth conference.

Several months after Triennium, I went to a weekend retreat sponsored by some of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship's NJ chapters.  Here's what I wrote about that previously:

Back in 1986, I was a freshman at Rutgers University.  On the first day, I was wandering around campus looking at the booths that various student organizations had set up.  One of them near the Busch Student Center was for the InterVarsity Christian Fellowship.  They were giving away ice cream.  I figured that as a rather religious person (at this point I was already a deacon and serving on two Synod committees) I should take a look and find a campus christian fellowship.  The local Campus Crusade for Christ seemed too fundamentalist for me, so I tried out InterVarsity.

I have since learned that different chapters of IVCF fall into different places on the liberal/conservative spectrum.  This chapter was VERY conservative.  One of the first Bible studies on campus taught me that I should not be a friend to any Jews unless I was actively trying to convert them to Christ ("be not unequally yoked").  Other lessons were similarly extreme.

In October I took a retreat with them for a weekend in the woods. It turned out to be a very cult-like situation for me.  The 48-hour retreat turned out to be (as experienced by me) 24 hours of telling me how terrible my beliefs are, and then once I stopped fighting them, 24 hours of pouring in their own beliefs.  As expected, those beliefs were strongly conservative.

Fortunately, my personality turned out to be strong enough to resist such tactics.  I made the right noises and they stopped treating me as the "resisting" attendee and moved on to other people.  Once I returned to campus, I never went back to their group again.  And as I wrote before, this was the first step in my turn away from the church.

This hit me like a ton of bricks today.  My last experience traveling away with youth to a place foreign to me was a negative one.  While I've done some overnights with the youth in the past year, those were either at the church or at Camp Johnsonburg where I felt very comfortable and always knew that I had the ability to leave (since it was at home or I was driving my vehicle).  I wasn't miles away from home without control over my movements.

Having realized what has been going on in my head, I feel much more comfortable now.  I'm shifting rapidly from nervous to excited.  This is going to be fun!

It's amazing how things from your past can influence the way you perceive the present.  Not a new lesson for me (by a long shot), but a newly reinforced lesson.

If you or anybody you know will be at Montreat for 7/27-8/1, leave a comment or send an e-mail.  I'd love to say Hi.

What's going on

My blog has been quiet, and light on what's going on in my life.  Most of that is due to the Sword of Damocles question about what I should write here.  (By the way, more input is desired in the Bible Study on blogging.)

Here's a short roundup of what's been happening and what is going to be happening.

• Car Accident - This happened back on June 20.  As I said before - minor damage and no injuries.  My car has been repaired.  I'm apparently at the beginning of the subrogation process - my insurance company has decided that I'm not at fault and has submitted a claim to the other driver's company.  The other driver got a ticket for Careless Driving, so it should be an easy decision in my favor.
• DirecTV - I have two DirecTV DVRs.  One of them developed hard drive problems and was randomly rebooting.  That has since been replaced for what amounts to Free.  It was just a pain, but much less of a pain than expected.
• Deacon - I perform my first deacon duty this weekend.  I'll be putting juice and iced tea on the table in Fellowship Hall after the service.  As one other blogger said, "They also serve who stir and pour."  I'll be greeting in August, and Officer Training and Installation will be in September.
• Camp Johnsonburg - I've assisted twice with Sunday check-in.  Once I was a medical check person for the "no medication" line, and the other time I managed the medical form paperwork process (an all-paper process that is a bit labor-intensive for 200+ campers).  I was pleasantly surprised to run into one of my youth group members checking into the camp's Leadership Training Program (a 3-week program that is essentially Counselor training).  I'll be back again in August for one more Sunday.
• Youth Group - I drove the youth mission trip to and from Philadelphia where they stayed at and worked with Broad Street Ministries.  By all reports a good time was had by all and several report transformational experiences.  I'll be going with the youth group trip to Montreat for the Youth Conference (week VI) starting next weekend.  I'm a smidge nervous about that - the last time I did a week road trip with a bunch of youth was my trip to the Presbyterian Youth Triennium in 1986, when I was a youth.  I'm hoping that a mostly out of shape 40-year-old can keep up.
• Birthday - it was quiet, which is the desired result.  I didn't ask for much, and the presents that I received were thoughtful.  I got a lot of cards with old people on them for some reason ...
• Ham Radio - I participated in the national Field Day at the end of June.  I was only able to help set up in the morning and operate for a few hours in the afternoon.  This event is when amateur radio clubs and individuals all over the country set up their equipment in the field (we were at Mercer County Park) and demonstrate their ability to operate in an emergency.
• Home, Wife, Cats - all about as good as usual.

Blogging will be non-existent between July 25 and August 3 or so due to the youth trip.  It may be light until then, unless I think of something compelling to say.

Young Adult - not anymore

Next week, I have a birthday.  This birthday ends in a zero, and puts me at the upper limit of what the PC(USA) denomination considers a "young adult". 

(Note - this is not a call for well wishes or gifts.  However, my e-mail address is in the column on the left if you are so inclined.  :-) )

Carolyn and I are in a strange spot.  We are childless by choice, and at that age where most of our friends are having children (or in some cases have children as old as teenagers).  We don't quite fit in the world of folks "our age", because we aren't sharing the same experiences.

At the same time, we're not finding that we have a ton in common with the folks who are behind us in years but also childless.  These are the true young adults - the not-yet-married, the under-40-not-gonna-get-married, and the married-without-children.  Don't get me wrong - I love my friends in this group.  It's just that I feel a little different from them.  Carolyn and I have been married for over 13 years at this point - most of the young adult friends that I have aren't married at all and those that are haven't been married quite so long.

I'm also feeling my age.  My hairline is headed north at a rate faster than average (thanks to my family tree, it seems).  I'm starting to feel creaky in places.  I need reading glasses sometimes.  My mother was apparently more dismayed than me last December when she noticed the amount of gray in my hair (well, what's left of my hair) - and the implications for her in having a son with gray hair.

I think I've crossed the line.  I don't feel like a young adult anymore.  If we'd had children I'd probably have crossed the line at least 5 years ago.  I now find myself saying and doing things that my parents used to do - I catch myself saying "Shoot.  I sound like my parents".

Each person crosses this line in their own time.  I know folks over 40 who are still young adults at heart.  I know folks under 30 who are no longer young adults.  I just get this feeling that some time in the last 5 years, I crossed the line without noticing.  I'm noticing now because there will shortly be a zero in my age.

And it's just as it should be.

Bible Study on Blogs

This post and its comments are the online home for this Bible Study on blogging.  I hope that each of you will contribute.  If you wish to contribute anonymously, just e-mail your words to me and I'll post them under whatever identification you want (or none).

The basic question that we're covering is "what does the Bible say about blogging?"  This was prompted by a bit of a dustup that I've had with some members and staff of my congregation over things written by me on this blog.  So a sub-question is "Can you or should you ever post negative thoughts or facts about your local church on a blog?"

So far we've got two sides to the question (hey, most of us are Presbyterian!):

Post only what builds up the body of Christ - Coming from 1 Corinthians 13, but also from most of Paul's letters and strong support from the Gospels is the concept that we should blog in love for our fellow humans.  That we should blog only what builds up the body, and avoid that which would cause disruption.

Criticism that is intended to promote right action is valid - In this case, Galatians 2 is the key, particularly the narratives of the discourse between Paul and the Jerusalem leaders, and Paul's rebuke of Peter.  Here, it's clear that speaking truth to power (church leadership) and then writing about it to a larger group of 3rd parties has happened in Scripture.

Overlaying all of this is the injunction in Matthew 18:15-17 - if you have a disagreement, take it to the other party.  If that doesn't work, take a few friends to the other party.  If that doesn't work, tell it to the church.  If that doesn't work, write the other person off.  One question here - in terms of blogs, what is the definition of "the church"?  The local congregation?  The denomination?  The entirety of the Christian blogosphere?  Or all believers in Christ?

Another question is whether or not the rules are different when speaking of people that you see weekly in church vs. the greater church (the denomination).  Can you speak more harshly about those who you disagree with simply because they don't sit in the same sanctuary with you on Sunday?

I welcome your continued thoughts.  I plan for this post to be the home of this discussion.  Please put your thoughts in comments, or e-mail them to me to be added.  This is a Bible study, so let's focus on Scripture.

Just talk to me

Sara, commenting in another thread, tells me that there are members of the congregation that I belong to who read my blog solely to make sure that they aren't mentioned.  So far, only one person has talked to me about this - at the prompting of the pastor.

There's a simple remedy for this that is already being used by the one person who spoke to me.

TALK TO ME

Just tell me that you would prefer not to be mentioned on this blog.  I will promise that I will avoid mentioning you or events involving you, and if I am unable to do so I will at least clue you into the fact that I'm writing about X (whatever it may be).

If I am called to follow Matthew 18:15-17 on this matter, then others are called to do the same.

Support - does it have to be for everything?

In an off-blog discussion about churchy things and blogs, the following question came up.

Can you support the church, but not support absolutely everything the church believes or does?  Can you be critical of the church on a specific issue while still supporting it in general?

This has implications at all levels.

The concept is central to my personal blogging dilemma - can you criticize the local congregation on a blog?  Are you being unsupportive by being critical on one issue, or do you have to evaluate the entirety of your reactions/words/writings about the congregation?

It also has implications about unity, purity and peace within the church.  Can you disagree with what another church member or congregation or presbytery is doing, but still be a supporter of the church?  Does your support of one or many facets of the church require the support of ALL facets?

Or are we stuck with absolutes:  Never criticize your congregation in public.  Never criticize the denomination.  If the church or even one member does or says something that you disagree with, you have to either leave or force the member or church to stop.

This reminds me of an old story.  A woman was talking about her husband to their children.  This man, living in the St. Louis area, was subscribing by mail to the Mountain Mail newspaper of Socorro, New Mexico.  When she was asked why, she explained that he used to subscribe to the St. Louis Post Dispatch, but then they printed something he didn't like in an editorial and he canceled his subscription.  He tried the New York Times, the Chicago Times, the Washington Post, but canceled them all when he read something he didn't like.  He was now forced to get his news from this tiny newspaper many states away.  And she wasn't even sure how long this paper would survive with him.

What do you think?  Is forbearance required?  Do we have to put up with hearing a certain amount of criticism of ourselves and our institutions?  Or are we supposed to unquestioningly support our church?

General Assembly Reactions - it's too early

Dear blog readers,

This past weekend, and even into this week, many bloggers will be writing about what happened at General Assembly.  A significant number will write or have written about how upset they are or how joyful they are about what happened.

I want to make one recommendation - wait.  Don't take these first emotional reactions too seriously.  As they say on Battlestar Galactica, "this has all happened before; it will happen again."  The dust has not even begun to settle.

Let me use a fellow blogger as an example.  (Toby - if you object let me know and I'll delete this from this post.)

On Friday evening, an upset blogger wrote that he would suspend blogging.

On Sunday, he recanted and started blogging again.

Many others are posting the blog equivalent of tearing hair and rending garments.  Let's be real - many people have been hurt by this sea change in the denomination.  Others will be hurt in the future by either the events now set in motion or the backlash against them.

Still others are failing to be good winners, and are insulting their conservative opposition either before or after the emotional reaction of the folks on the losing side.  Come on, folks.  We don't do this.

A few important reminders:

1. Most of the changes are simply a reminder of what our polity has traditionally been, and how it has worked.  For too many years we took the ordination decisions out of the hands of the presbytery or session, and put them in the hands of the text of a rule book.  These actions return us to the days when people made individual judgments about people.
2. The presbyteries have to approve the removal of G-6.0106b.  Some say that the removal of the old Authoritative Interpretations makes that clause moot - I don't think so.  It seems to me that fidelity and chastity are STILL the law of the land.  Others say that the ability to scruple makes that clause moot - this idea may have more merit but will require a test case.
3. Nobody will be required to ordain a gay person against the will of the ordaining minister.  One quietly passed interpretation points out that a session moderator (pastor, or some temporary replacement or supply) is obligated to ordain whoever the congregation elects as long as the session approves their examination.  This interpretation ALSO points out the session's requirement to understand the conscience of the moderator and to make arrangements for someone else to perform ordinations where necessary - ironically under the "outdo one another in honoring one another's decisions" clause of the PUP report.  I find this situation unlikely in the extreme - I really can't see a session forcing a minister to ordain a gay person against their will.  In that case, the church is ready for the COM to take a look at the whole congregation/pastor relationship - it's probably broken in many ways.  Any session that cares about their pastor would make alternate arrangements in this situation, and any pastor would do well to reconsider their call if they are in a congregation that elects someone that they disapprove of to such a degree that they will not ordain them.

I urge my fellow progressives not to celebrate too loudly.  Your cheers and in some cases jeers are painful to conservatives.  Be a good winner.

I also urge my conservative peers not to give up.  You are doing what you believe to be the most faithful thing right now (as are the progressives).  Don't take any hasty actions.  Take time to hear God's call for you.  Then do what you need to do.

General Assembly - BREAKING NEWS

The General Assembly passed the following resolution just now:

The Presbytery of Boston respectfully overtures the 218th General Assembly (2008) to do the following:
 
1. Direct the Stated Clerk to send the following proposed amendment to the presbyteries for their affirmative or negative votes:
 
a. Strike the current text of G-6.0106b and insert new text to read as follows: [Text to be deleted is shown with a strike-through; text to be added or inserted is shown as italic.]
 
“b. Those who are called to office in the church are to lead a life in obedience to Scripture and in conformity to the historic confessional standards of the church. Among these standards is the requirement to live either in fidelity within the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman (W-4.9001), or chastity in singleness. Persons refusing to repent of any self acknowledged practice which the confessions call sin shall not be ordained and/or installed as deacons elders, or ministers of the Word and Sacrament. Those who are called to ordained service in the church, by their assent to the constitutional questions for ordination and installation (W-4.4003), pledge themselves to live lives obedient to Jesus Christ the Head of the Church, striving to follow where he leads through the witness of the Scriptures, and to understand the Scriptures through the instruction of the Confessions. In so doing, they declare their fidelity to the standards of the Church. Each governing body charged with examination for ordination and/or installation (G-14.0240 and G-14.0450) establishes the candidate’s sincere efforts to adhere to these standards.
 
b. Amend G-14.0240 as follows: [Text to be deleted is shown with a strike-through; text to be added or inserted is shown as italic.]
 
“Preparation and Examination for Office
 
“When persons have been elected to the office of elder or deacon, the session shall confer with them as to their willingness to undertake the office. The session shall provide for a period of study and preparation, after which the session shall examine the officers-elect as to their personal faith; knowledge of the doctrine, government, and discipline contained in the Constitution of the church; and the duties of the office; and readiness to assent to the constitutional questions for ordination and installation. If the examination is approved, the session shall appoint a day for the service of ordination and installation (see W-4.4000). If the examination is not approved for one or more elected officers, the session shall report its action to the congregation’s nominating committee, which shall bring nomination(s) to a meeting of the congregation for any office(s) not filled.”
 
c. Amend G-14.0450 by inserting a new paragraph “b.” and by re-lettering current paragraphs “b.” through “d.” as “c.” through “f.” The text shall read as follows: [Text to be deleted is shown with a strike-through; text to be added or inserted is shown as italic.]
 
“Final Assessment of Readiness to Begin Ordained Ministry
 
“In the final year of theological education or when a candidate has satisfied all of the requirements of this section, and before the candidate has received a call, the committee on preparation for ministry of the candidate’s presbytery shall conduct a final assessment of the candidate’s readiness to begin ordained ministry. A summary of this assessment shall be reported to the presbytery and shall be transmitted to a calling presbytery when requested. The committee on preparation for ministry shall report to the presbytery when it has certified a candidate ready for examination for ordination, pending a call. This consultation shall focus on the outcomes of inquiry and candidacy and shall include each of the following requirements of certification:
 
“a. demonstration of readiness to begin ministry of the Word and Sacrament as required to fulfill the candidacy phase of preparation;
 
“b. demonstration of readiness to assent to the constitutional questions for ordination and installation;
 
“b. c. presentation of a transcript showing satisfactory grades at a regionally accredited college or university, together with a diploma;
 
“c. d. presentation of a transcript from a theological institution accredited by the Association of Theological Schools acceptable to the presbytery, the transcript showing satisfactory grades, and presentation of a plan to complete the theological degree including Hebrew and Greek and exegesis of the Old and New Testaments using Hebrew and Greek texts;
 
“d. e. presentation of satisfactory grades together with the examination papers in the five areas covered by the Presbyteries’ Cooperative Committee on Examinations for Candidates.”
 
2. Provide the following authoritative interpretation:
 
Interpretive statements concerning ordained service of homosexual church members by the 190th General Assembly (1978) of the United Presbyterian Church in the United States of America, and the 119th General Assembly (1979) of the Presbyterian Church in the United States and all subsequent affirmations thereof, have no further force or effect.

And earlier they passed:

That the 218th General Assembly (2008) to approve the following authoritative interpretation of G-6.0108 of the Book of Order:

“[The 218th General Assembly (2008) affirms the authoritative interpretation of G-6.0108 approved by the 217th General Assembly (2006). Further, the 218th General Assembly (2008), pursuant to G-13.0112, interprets]the requirements of G-6.0108 [to] apply equally to all ordination standards of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.). Section G-6.0108 requires examining bodies to give prayerful and careful consideration, on an individual, case-by-case basis, to any departure from an ordination standard in matters of belief or practice that a candidate may declare during examination. However, the examining body is not required to accept a departure from standards, and cannot excuse a candidate’s inability to perform the constitutional functions unique to his or her office (such as administration of the sacraments).”

Here's my reading.

1. Right this second, it is legal for a gay person who does not admit to sex to be ordained.  This was true before, but it's bolstered a bit now.
2. If the Book of Order changes pass, gay ordination will be allowed, regardless of sexual practice.  It will be up to the presbyteries to determine whether an individual's practice is a sin.
3. It is now more difficult to file a case against a body's examination of an individual if you aren't involved ("fly-over" judicial cases).

The real decision will happen between now and June 28, 2009 when the presbyteries are required to vote on these changes.  I suspect we'll have an answer next March.

I predict that the progressives will party (particularly MLP and the pro-gay folks), the conservatives will make a lot of noise about lack of faithfulness, and a few conservatives will leave.  The news media will misinterpret this as allowing gay ordination today, and this will confuse many pew-sitters.

And we'll all still be in worship someplace on Sunday.

General Assembly Update

Here's what happened yesterday.

The Assembly passed the modifications to the Heidelberg Catechism.  These are intended to render a more faithful translation of the original German to English, removing some changes made by the 1962 translators due to their personal biases.  All other Reformed denomination have already made this change.  The conservatives are as expected bleating loudly about what they call "revisionism" by removing "homosexual perversions" from the confession.

The process works this way.  This vote creates a study committee to recommend changes to the next General Assembly in 2010.  That GA must vote affirmatively, and then send the change to the presbyteries.  2/3 of the presbyteries must vote affirmatively, and then the following GA (2012) must vote again in favor of the change.  Then it takes effect.

The GA also approved the same process for adding the Belhar Confession to the Book of Confessions.  That was surprisingly on a voice vote with no discussion.  When a few commissioners asked if people knew what they were voting on, the assembly made it clear that they did.

The Assembly sent the Form of Government revision to a new task force made up of the original task force plus nominees by the GA Moderator.  That group is tasked with taking another look at the revision and bringing it back to the next GA.  Most people acknowledged that there were some serious flaws that would doom the revision at presbyteries.

The Assembly also added a Presbyterian Men representative to the GA Mission Council.  I support this action - if we're going to have a Presbyterian Women member we need equal representation.

The Assembly created a special account and increase in per capita of $0.92 per member, or $50,000 per presbytery or $2,000,000 in order to defend against lawsuits filed by congregations seeking to leave the denomination to join the New Wineskins presbytery of the Evangelical Presbyterian Church.  This was a commissioner resolution seeking $185,000 in reimbursement for Northern New England to cover HALF of its costs related to ONE church suing them as part of leaving.  I support this action, and decry the churches that refuse to follow our polity and graceful settle their affairs with their presbytery when they choose to leave.  I also decry presbyteries that do not act with grace when presented with congregations that want to leave.  Last, I have to wonder how the EPC views congregations that choose not to follow our polity on the way out - what will they do in the EPC?

The Assembly made it easier to change the Standing Rules of the General Assembly - requiring a majority vote of all present and voting rather than 2/3 of all enrolled members.  The Assembly did not make a similar change to Suspending the rules - suspending should be harder than amending.

That's about it for the big stuff.  Today is gonna be a fun one.

So what's going on at General Assembly?

My loyal readers may be wondering why I haven't posted much about General Assembly.

The truth is that the kerfluffle about my blog and my local congregation has consumed most of my blogging energy.  I am following General Assembly, though this year it's not with the thought of "I might get there someday" but rather "I'm never gonna get there".

But I am following it.

So here's what's going on.

Sexuality and Ordination

The committees involved (the sexuality question kinda got split between two committees) passed resolutions recommending changes to the Book of Order or Authoritative Interpretations that would essentially allow two things:

1. Scruples could be declared by an ordained officer at the time of examination.  The examining body (and only that body) would be able to decide whether or not to accept that scruple.  The word Scruple was not used.  This was passed as an Authoritative Interpretation.
2. To reword G-6.0106b, replacing the famous "marriage between a man and a woman or chastity in singleness" with:  Those who are called to ordained service in the church, by their assent to the constitutional questions for ordination and installation (W-4.4003), pledge themselves to live lives obedient to Jesus Christ the Head of the Church, striving to follow where he leads through the witness of the Scriptures, and to understand the Scriptures through the instruction of the Confessions. In so doing, they declare their fidelity to the standards of the Church. Each governing body charged with examination for ordination and/or installation (G-14.0240 and G-14.0450) establishes the candidate’s sincere efforts to adhere to these standards.  This would essentially allow gay ordination in presbyteries or congregations that allow it.  This resolution also nullifies the 1978 and 1979 Authoritative Interpretations and any such later action that homosexuality is a bar to ordination.  This resolution also requires the examining body to be sure that the person is willing to assent to the ordination vows before approving them.

The committee also turned down an overture that would redefine marriage as between two persons, rather than between a man and a woman.  That committee turned back an attempt to solidify the definition of marriage as between a man and a woman, instead commenting that this issue is still in question in our denomination.

Big stuff, eh?  Remember that this is just the committee work - the whole General Assembly votes later.

The General Assembly as a whole passed a resolution to create a sexuality curriculum for youth, choosing NOT to state specifics about what must be included.  This was passed after a lively debate that included a minister from KY (speaking against the curriculum) revealing on the floor of GA that his daughter has or had a sexually transmitted disease.

Christian/Jew/Muslim Relations

The General Assembly last night commended for study the relationships between these religions, calling for tolerance and mutual respect.  The resolution originally included a clause stating that the God of Christians, Jews and Muslim was the same God of Abraham, but that was removed by the General Assembly as a whole.

Membership Vows

The committee passed a resolution calling for a Book of Order amendment that would require that members being received by a method other than Confirmation will also make a public profession of faith.  This replaces the overture that I wrote about previously that would have required specific membership vows.

Form of Government (Book of Order) revision

The committee is recommending that the draft be referred to a new task force consisting of the original task force and members of the Assembly committee considering it.  This group would consult with the presbyteries and bring back a revised recommendation to the next General Assembly.  It's not quite a punt or ignore, but rather a "still needs work" decision.  This is just the committee decision - we'll see what GA does but I suspect this will be what happens.

Confessions

The committee recommended that the Heidelberg Confession be amended to return it to a closer translation from the original German, correcting some license taken by the translators in the 1960's.  This has the effect of removing the wording against homosexuality from the confession, though others claim that the original intent of the passage in question was to mirror 1 Corinthians.

The committee also recommended that a team be created to study the inclusion of the Belhar Confession in the Book of Confessions - to report back at the next General Assembly.

Some little but important stuff

The GA passed a statement that the Catholic and Presbyterian baptism should be recognized by the other denomination, subject to each denomination's rules.  This means something to me, a Presbyterian married to a Catholic.

The GA passed full recognition and participation in Eucharist between the Episcopal Church and the Presbyterian Church.  We can now take Communion in the other church without question.  This also allows for limited use of ministers from the other denomination and allows further talks on allow integration in the future.

The GA passed a Book of Order amendment that changes part of the definition of the office of deacon - substituting "compassion" for "sympathy".

Balance

One of the first rules that doctors are taught is "First, Do no harm."  In tension is the fact that a doctor is clearly expected to do something to help the patient - watching them die is not usually an option.

There is a school of thought that teaches people to make a list of Pros and Cons for a major decision.  You list the Pros in one column and the Cons in another.  If you have more (or more important) Pros you do X.  If you have more Cons, don't do X.

My wife and other family members have a similar principle for participating in voluntary activities - do you get more good out of it than the annoyances that it causes?

I find myself wondering how this idea - more good than bad - plays out when it comes to God's call to each of us.  Does God call us to do things that will end up being more painful than enjoyable in the end, but which we should do anyway?

It seems to me that Jesus could answer this pretty quickly.  I suspect that the list of Cons for being tortured and dying on the cross is a lot longer than the list of Pros.  Or are the Pros just really big things when compared to the temporary Cons?  Is "God said so" the ultimate Pro?

When you are deciding to take on a new role in your church, do you use this method of deciding?  Do congregations use it to reexamine the things that they do - especially the things that "we've always done this way"?  Does our denomination need to make a list when it comes to the upsides and downsides of changing theology?

Is prayer the way to let God help you make the list?

These are just some random thoughts that hit me today.

The New PC(USA) Moderator on blogging

Bruce Reyes-Chow, the brand-new Moderator of the PC(USA), spoke about blogging in his post-election interview.  He spoke about the Internet and blogging in particular.

Reyes-Chow, a 39-year-old San Francisco pastor, husband and the father of three daughters between the ages of four and 11, said that blogging and using Facebook and other social networking sites “is part of my  way of being, how we naturally engage with people.”

He believes being transparent and prolific will “help people  feel invited to participate in the church in a new way.”

He also recognizes people have “concerns about why we share so openly,” especially on the occasion when he places his political views online.

“I see something and I think, ‘That’ll blog,’ and I put it  on,” he said.

During his campaign for moderator, someone asked Reyes-Chow if he could tell the person something about himself that could not already be found on his blog.

“Not really,” Reyes-Chow said. “I am an open book, pretty much. I am excited about connecting with folks and using my spiritual practice of blogging.”

It sounds like Bruce has more or less the same view of blogging that I do.  Compare this to what I wrote a while back (after a very different emotional experience than Bruce's):

As I have written, some of my most important core values are honesty, openness and authenticity.  When my pastor asked me, "Is there anybody that you run your blog posts by before you post them?" it hit me hard.  Most of you agree that I may have a been a little too open and have said one thing out of frustration that you wouldn't have said, but that it's my blog and that I'm being careful enough by leaving out names.  ...  One of the things that I love most about Camp Johnsonburg is that you truly can be yourself - warts and all - and you will be accepted (and even loved). Some folks have rougher edges than others, and it IS possible to get too far outside of the bounds of acceptable behavior for camp, but for the most part it's a place where 90% of the folks who come there feel at home.  I expect that from the local congregation too - after all, isn't that what we're called to do?  I realize that this may be an unrealistic expectation, even if it is a valid expectation.

I'm glad to see that someone else sees the usefulness of transparency in our community.  (Note - other commenters here have said the same thing - this is just the first time I've seen it in a press article.)

Congratulations, Moderator Bruce Reyes-Chow!

Late last night (eastern time), the Rev. Bruce Reyes-Chow was elected Moderator of the 218th General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church (USA).  Bruce was elected on only the 2nd ballot, after leading but narrowly missing 50% on the first ballot.

I hope that Bruce will fulfill the promise of a new way of speaking to each other that I saw in him when he visited Lawrenceville with the other candidates.

Congratulations, Bruce!

Bruce Reyes-Chow for Moderator

Better late than never, I always say.

I am proud to endorse Rev. Bruce Reyes-Chow for Moderator of the 218th General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church (USA).

Let me start by saying that I think most of the candidates will do a good job in the moderator role.  The differences between them are primarily differences in style, not differences in substance (the perennial debate about homosexuality being the exception that proves the rule).  All love God.  All support Jesus as Lord.  As far as I can tell, all meet the essentials of our faith as I see them.  I enjoyed meeting all of them when they came to Lawrenceville, NJ.

Bruce stood out in one huge way - he has a plan for the future.  Well, maybe not a plan per se, but a direction.  Bruce is the one candidate who gets the problem of the aging of the church.  He sees both the problem (that young people are not remaining engaged after high school, and that they are NOT following the pattern of returning when they have children) and solutions.

Most importantly, Bruce sees the need for local solutions for local cultures.  He pastors a very successful congregation in San Francisco called Mission Bay Community Church.  This church is at the same time traditional and non-traditional.  Services there bear some resemblance to traditional Presbyterian services, but likely would also cause some members in our churches to blanch at the differences.  Bruce has found a way to reach out to a population not being fed by traditional practices and bring them into the faith.  Too often, we expect people to become like us (in behavior, dress, etc) before they join us (in our traditional service).  Bruce has turned that on its head, he and his church expect people to join us (come as you are) before you become like us (followers of Christ).

I also believe that Bruce challenges the assumptions about the essentials of our faith.  How many of us believe that it is essential to the Presbyterian faith to sit in rows of pews, sing 100+ year-old hymns with a pipe organ, and have a choir sing at us before the sermon?  I believe that we have confused practice with faith.  Bruce has undergone a process where he has broken down the essentials and his church sticks to those that are truly essential while ignoring those that are simply the product of our cultural inertia.

And it works.  His church has people of all ages present in reasonably well-spread numbers.

Another area where Bruce excels is in listening.  When the candidates met in Lawrenceville, the format had each candidate sitting in the center focus of a U-shaped set of tables.  In some cases, the discussions were straight question and answer sessions - even when the candidate chose to ask questions of his audience.  In the case of Bruce's session with each table (and in one other case), there was more of a dialog.  Bruce was truly listening to what the questioner was saying, and thinking.  Silence was not the enemy - it was time to process.  And Bruce was remarkably consistent in his responses.  He did not shade his responses to meet the desires of the questioner - he answered them openly and honestly and authentically.  And it wasn't "this is what I think - deal with it", it was more like "this is what I think - what do you think?"  This is what our denomination needs now more than anything else - questions rather than answers.  Everybody (and PCUSA bloggers are particularly bad at this, including me) comes to the forum ready to present and defend their answer before they hear the question.  What we need now is more understanding of what the other person is saying and thinking - how they came to their answer - and less posturing.  Bruce is humble when working with others in discernment - he really tries to get your point of view.

If you are a commissioner to General Assembly, I hope that you will consider Bruce Reyes-Chow for the Moderator position.  I won't say "hope that you will vote for Bruce", because that's not how it should work.  You should consider Bruce, (and Bill, Carl and Roger) and make your own choice.  I just hope that I have provided an opinion that is useful as you and the Spirit decide how to vote.